The Little Things...

I've been working in little spurts to prepare our home for the holidays - something about having a child this year has sparked a feverish excitement for all things Christmas. Of course, being on maternity leave leaves me with just a little extra time on my hands to step things up a notch. I'm not a big seasonal decorator, but this year it was fun. I've got the tree done, pine cones hanging from the windows, sheepskins thrown about, stockings hung by the (balcony) with care, you get the point. I know Eddie isn't going to remember any of this, but it is still important to me. My parent's house is always decorated to the nines for Christmas, and it adds a whole extra element of joy and warmth to the season. My mom really goes all out, and her joy is infectious - I hope to pass that on to my children.

Another thing I've been thinking a lot about is that Jesus came to Earth as a baby. I mean, of course I've always known that but spending all this time with a little one really drives home the meaning of that. GOD became one of the most vulnerable of creatures, to demonstrate for us how to live, from the very start. I look at my tiny little son, and can't imagine a baby being born, to die. And also, the humility of coming down as creator of the world, to become a human baby. A burping, gassy, needy (snuggly, sweet, cooing) little baby. That blows my mind in a whole new way now.


Speaking of burpy, gassy, needy little baby boys, I wanted to take a minute and just record, if for no other reason than for myself, some of the little things I most love about my sweet Eddie at this age. First thing's first - he's started smiling! It happens usually in a window of time after he's eaten - when he's most content and happy, but if you work you can earn one at other times. But it's the sweetest little gummy grin - it lights up his whole face, and he sticks his little tongue out while he's smiling and makes these gurgling, hiccupy noises. My heart melts a little every time. During our days together, I truly live from smile to smile. Also, the noises he makes in general. When he's peacefully sleeping, every exhale carries a little sound out with it. When he's deeply sleeping, he often snores - quite loudly. Right as he's falling asleep, usually when in my arms, he does a little smile and giggle, which then changes to a little frown and half cry. I can't help but wonder what's in his mind right then? I always know after that he's going to probably stay asleep.


I've also been really trying to soak up all of the middle of the night moments we share. I know, despite how tired I am and how I'm constantly adding up the minutes to see how much longer he sleeps from day to day, that I'm going to miss these times. It's precious and it's ours. I know of course he can take a bottle if necessary, but it makes me feel that he just truly needs me, and I'm the only one who can really take care of him, know what he wants, know his signals, and give him what he most requires. (Not to take any credit away from Chris, who of course could do any of these things magnificently) - it's just that I am the one who does it, and it feels good to take care of my sweet boy in this way. Of course, when it exceeds an hour or so of awake time at 3am, I'm more than happy to wake up his papa for a little help. But I love how warm and soft he is in the night, how he's quicker to fold up into that newborn-like cuddle, to bury his head into my neck or chest. How his little hands move when he's eating - they sort of stroke my chest or neck, or grab onto the edge of my shirt, or slip under the strap of my tank top. I just hold his head in my hand, stroke his hair, kiss his neck and face. I love him so much more even, every day. Even as I read these words back to myself, I realize they don't capture it - they lack the warmth, the emotion, the deep, heartbreaking love that accompanies holding, feeding, rocking, my child.

And one other thing - I love seeing Chris with Eddie. How he is so calming to him - how he just wants to hold and snuggle him, and talk to him and teach and show him things. What more could I possibly want as a wife and mother? To see how he loves our son makes me love him even more, which is the best of feelings. It feels so complete to be together, the three of us, and all day I feel like a part of me is gone when Chris is at work, like we are just waiting for him to come back home and put the last piece back in the puzzle.


So, these are observations - snippets of the little things. I know many of them are going to fade but I so wish I could memorize it all. I think that's part of the reason people have more babies! There is really nothing else like it, nothing else.

Much has changed.

Just a brief preface to what I'm going to write - I haven't blogged since I don't know when. Chris and I have still been doing small house projects, but our biggest project to date is that we had a baby! So clearly, it's been awhile. So I still want to blog about our house, but part of that story is our home - our family. Plus - I need somewhere to put all of these adorable baby pictures I've been taking!I want to take a little time each month to write a note to our son - as much for me as for him. I'd like it to be a place where I can record all the new things we've been doing and learning, and what our life has become. So I think this blog might evolve into more of a record of our family than just our house. But I'll leave the title, for now. Here goes:

To my sweet Eddie on your one month birthday -
(Your dad thinks you were one month old two days ago, when it was exactly four weeks since your birth, but I've convinced him to go by the date or it will just get to be insanity). How can it be that you've been here a month? I am sitting in the Bertoia chair in our bedroom, typing this entry while you are sleepily snoozing next to me in your bouncy chair. You will probably wake up in a few short minutes, because you have a knack for waking up right when I get settled into something, but that's ok. It's a happy interruption. I can't begin to tell you how much I love you, how much I loved you immediately. I marvel at you. I wasn't sure if I was going to feel that immediate love that everyone tells you to expect upon the birth of a child, but I did. It was different than I thought - like meeting a stranger that you somehow feel like you've known for a long time. I didn't understand you or know you by any means, but I did love you. A lot of the details of your birth, while clear in my memory, have faded except for the moment that you were fully born and all I wanted was for your papa and I to see you, and hold you. And when I did I was in complete amazement that you were the creature living inside me for the past 9 months. How could that be, and what a miracle! A human life began inside me, and suddenly there you were - a whole new person in the world. God is an amazing and mind-blowingly creative designer. I held you with I'm sure a stunned look on my face, and just stared from you to your father in awe. The nurses encouraged me to try to feed you right away, so I did - and you nursed! Another thing I wasn't sure about beforehand, but right away I knew what a precious gift it is to be able to feed one's child.
I'll skip the rest of the birth story for it's own telling, but those first days in the hospital with you, your papa and I were overwhelmed - full of love and intensity and amazement and nearly every other emotion I can name. We cried, we laughed, we stared, we listened, we snuggled, we learned. Now I know that I will continue to be learning about you every moment you are with us for as long as God has in store. The first night you stayed in our room the whole time - I was trying my best to teach both you and I how to nurse, and your dad and I couldn't bear the thought of you sleeping all the way in the nursery without us your first night in the world. You were so sleepy those first days and nights, and certainly didn't cry much. The second night the nurses wanted to take you to the nursery for your hearing test, so we said you could stay there until you woke up to nurse, and then we wanted you back with us the rest of the night. After you came back in and got settled with us, you fell back to sleep. I tried to fall asleep as well, but before too long I had scooped your little burrito wrapped body up out of the cradle and held you in front of me, and I just cried. I don't normally cry tears of happiness - I tend to stick to laughter - your papa is the one who cries for joy. But that night, in the dark hospital room, holding your warm, sleeping body, there was no other response. I love your dad so much, and between he and I (and God) - we made you! And here you are now, and I just couldn't believe it. I promised to love you as best as I know how, and to pray for you always, and to do my best as your mother in protecting you and taking care of you and teaching you things. I will never forget that moment, it is forever etched in my mind - I have tears in my eyes now just thinking about how it felt.

(Sidenote: This departs from the emotional meanderings from above but you just completely startled yourself in your sleep with a huge fart. Man are you a gassy one!)

And now, reflecting on the past month with you, I can't believe how different life is. Your papa and I have to keep remembering that we are not on our own agenda or schedule anymore - there is no routine with a newborn. Sometimes we try to do things like we used to - just have an ordinary weeknight with dinner, some catching up, a little tv - but it just doesn't go as planned. It's challenging, but then there are these times - these snapshots of our new life that are just the sweetest. Like the few Saturday mornings we've had - coffee in bed, snuggling you, mounds of blankets and pillows and cuddling and staring at you. Or seeing you fall asleep on your papa's chest, cuddled in under his chin and snoring away. Or gazing down at you while you are nursing - that is my favorite of all. I'm trying to take in every moment of that - I trace the curves of your face, just trying to memorize you at this tiny age. I stroke your sweet little head, with all that hair. I rub your back and your sweet legs and feet, I pat your butt. I think about all of the different parts of you and systems within you that were formed inside of me and just marvel. I listen to the sweet sounds you make while you are eating, I smell your face. I love the little folds in your neck and I kiss them every chance I get. You will never, ever be hungry for affection in this house. I notice that your eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to become more visible, and I try to memorize the way your little nose turns up, and how your sweet little lips pout and purse. Oh my goodness could I go on forever. My friends with children say that they can't remember their babies ever being so little, so new - I don't want to feel that way ever. I want to take it all in and store it in my heart, knowing that I enjoyed every moment of you like this, when our family was new.
Eddie - you are a precious and joyful gift. I love you and your papa with my whole heart, and are so glad you are the son God gave us. You bring a new kind of happiness and fullness to our lives. You are challenging as well, but we are doing our best to figure you out! It's a whole new kind of learning, and it takes time and patience. Every day is different, and every day you change a little bit, but in general - you are a very content and sweet boy. You love to be held, you love when your papa sings to you (usually James Taylor), you love to sleep with or near to us. You don't mind our barking dogs. You don't cry much- only when you need something, but then - you certainly let us know. You are not a big fan of getting your diaper changed, baths, or your carseat - at least not yet. You are impressively gassy. You have impeccable timing for waking up just as we are about to sit down and eat a meal. You bring joy to everyone who has met you. Your grandparents are madly in love with you and will do nearly anything for a chance to hold you, rock you to sleep, and care for you. Having you has also made me appreciate and value my parents and your papa's mama in a whole new way.

Well, it seems you are stirring - and this has gone on long enough for now. I am going to snatch you out of your little seat and smother you with kisses and cuddles in honor of your one month birthday. A big part of me wants you to not get a moment older, but another part of me can't wait for the days and years ahead - of getting to know you more and see what kind of little person you will become. (And to determine which of us you look like - I think your dad!)

I love you my sweet tooter - happy one month birthday.
Your Mama

Room to Roam

C, hard at work on the mower. And yeah baby, that's one of our sixty year old peony bushes!

Did I mention our yard is huge? Okay, I know some people are surrounded by even more space than we are, but in the world we came from (postage stamp city parcel) this thing is mammoth. It takes an hour and a half on the riding lawnmower just to cut the grass. That doesn't include weed wacking, pulling stray weeds, trimming foliage, and picking up the plethora of sticks that the ancient trees seem to poop down on a daily basis. But I love it - it's fun! We've been so busy on the weekends though, that lately we kind of look like the run-down house in the neighborhood. Our neighbors would probably frown upon that, except that they can't see it, due to the massive trees concealing our house from the road. Ha! We win!

Don't know what these are but the crazy bushes in front of our house exploded into these for about two weeks. They are all gone now, but weren't they lovely?

Pops of Sunny Yellow

The outside of our house overwhelms me a little bit. The yard is huge, and parts of it are a tad wild and unruly. I don't know what most of the plants are, and although I have lots of ideas and vision, I just don't know where exactly to begin.

So, to get started on sprucing up the exterior, I decided to address a smaller area, something that is small enough for me to feel I can wrap my head around - the entry! Technically our house does have a 'front door', but nobody uses it (meaning it's a little sad and neglected). I'll tackle that later. For now, I just wanted to inject a little bit of color into the side entry- enter the pops of sunny yellow! The first step was to refresh this bench I got for $30 on Craigslist.

A few coats of Sunporch Yellow, and voila! Things are looking sunnier already.

Then, I got inspired. Why not refresh the mailbox as well? Our driveway is located in the midst of Fern Gully and my parents have driven right past it each visit thus far. Now we have a landmark - turn by the yellow mailbox!

From this:

To this!

The yellow has now taken over! To complete the picture, I added a few sunny pots (still need to plant something in there, but this is a work in progress), and a pillow on our porch swing in this top fabric from ikea:

As C and I walked in the giant blue box, I saw a the perfect yellow and white striped pillow in the store display, with my name all over it. I'm a sucker for anything striped. I didn't want to steal it from it's happy display home, so I kept my eyes open for it throughout the rest of the store, but it was nowhere to be found. I left a patient C at the bottom of the escalator and did a couple more wild laps through the other two levels looking for the darn thing but to no avail. He convinced me to just take the one from the display, where I discovered it wasn't actually for sale - just a floor sample of a pillow and a case made from the fabric you can buy. The checkout guy must have seen the crazy in my eyes, because he rang it up for me in some magical Ikea code anyway, and I left a happy camper!

(Sidenote: While I was running two levels above him, I texted C to tell him I wasn't successful. He texted me back "Why? Did you trip over all that hair you were pulling out on the way to find your pillow?" Made me laugh.)

I think a few plants in white and yellow, and a nice patio umbrella will complete the picture. I have my eye on this one from World Market:
Almost there!

Project #1: Operation Bedroom Door

As soon as we moved in, we knew we wanted to switch things up enough just to make the farmhouse feel like our own. I love walking through the rooms and picturing C's aunts as young girls, whispering secrets in their bedroom, which is now our guestroom, or his mother giving voice lessons at the piano in her music room, with baby Chris in his nearby play-pen, in what is now our bedroom. And I love putting a new spin on the old. Right away, we decided to make the "great room" our living room. It previously was a more formal sitting area. Then, we opted to move the left-behind baby grand piano into the former tv room, making that the new music room. That left the old music room/office to become our master bedroom! We like this arrangement because the room is larger than the three tiny sleeping rooms upstairs, it stays much cooler, and both of the bathrooms are on the first floor, so no sleepy tumbles down the stairs in the middle of the night!

Our new master bedroom has high ceilings and huge windows which pour in beautiful sunlight, but it had no doors since it was never used as a bedroom before. Actually, when the house belonged to C's grandparents, it was their formal dining room (our current dining room served as their master bedroom). There is an extra wide doorway separating it from our music room, and a regular size doorway into the back hallway. For a temporary fix, we stopped by Pier 1 and picked up this plantation style room divider for the wider doorway.
It matches our bedroom perfectly, and complements the dark piano in the connecting music room. We have some ideas for a more permanent solution (more on that later), but for now this is perfect. We are the only two in the house so privacy isn't really as issue. The smaller doorway made our bedroom visible from the kitchen and living room, so we felt a real door was necessary. Luckily, back when we moved in C had been poking around the basement, and found an original door (albeit in very sad shape), down in the potato cellar. Yes, we have a potato cellar! It's scary and dark and dank and if I never go in there in my life I'm okay with that. Here's what the door looked like upon discovery:


We think the black comes from some renters before my mother and father-in-law bought the house. How lovely! C and Mike worked for hours scraping off the multiple layers of paint and sanding the door to its original state:

The three of us worked all day and into the night on this one silly door. Finding the right hardware proved impossible, but C was able to modify parts we did have with new parts and you can't even tell the difference. We found a good option for the door handle, and primed and painted two bright, shiny coats of paint.

As we giddily went to hang our beautiful (better looking than all the others in the house) door in it's new resting place, we were startled to find that it was TOO BIG for the door frame. Gah! My dad would be appalled that no - we didn't measure it to begin with. We were blinded with our excitement at finding an original door in the basement! It was meant to be!

So, we remeasure, sawed, sanded and hacked our way through the perfect door until it fit. We broke every rule in restoring a historic element of a home I'm sure, but hey - it worked!

Chris learning his lesson.

(Bye!)

The Ah-ha! Moment

I'll just write this post for the sake of keeping a record of the major moment when C and I knew we had to buy his childhood home. We had initially moved in, and agreed that we would give it three months as renters. We'd either find something else to purchase in that time, and/or know if we wanted to live in the farmhouse for good. And we felt productive - knowing we were getting to sample a house, so to speak.

From the moment we moved in, it felt peaceful. Something we have needed and longed for during the previous months of indecision and instability. I knew as I was unpacking that it wasn't going to be temporary, but neither of us declared that at first. It felt like home. We loved the space, the quiet, the convenience, the history, the stories...We explored the dog park, walked the neighborhood, got our hands dirty in the yard. Then one day as we pulled into the driveway (past that pesky For Sale sign), we saw a number of cars - a very nice Lexus, a landscape designer's company car, and a construction company vehicle. They were all outside, walking the yard. We rolled down our windows and apologized - the realtor hadn't told us there would be a showing, and did they need to get into the house? They quickly answered they weren't there to see the house, just the property, and asked if they could come back again with another contractor? We nodded like little bobble-heads, rolled up our windows and faced each other. "We're buying it," Chris said. "I know," I answered.

It was that simple - faced with the prospect of someone tearing it down to put up another giant, generic McMansion, we knew staying there was the right thing to do. So, we will put our best efforts into the house, and hope that our improvements will be enough to make the next buyer see the charm and sweetness in this little house, so that someday when we move on, we can drive by with our kids and point out the house where their childhood memories live as well.

Sold!

I sheepishly admit it - I forgot I had a blog. Okay, that's a lie. I remembered, and I mentally 'wrote' many many posts since my last one. But I've been busy! I peeked at my last post and was surprised to see that it was from when we moved into the house - as renters! To spare you the lengthy post, here's the summary:

1. We bought the house!
2. I know! I can't believe it either!
3. We filed the offer cancellation papers for the bungalow about two weeks after we moved into the farmhouse.
4. We closed on our house on Good Friday, April 2nd, 2010.
5. I told my husband and GG that the three of us need to stay away from any real-estate based decisions now for a very long, long time.

The end! Oops - I mean...the beginning? It looks like I very aptly named this blog. How cool! More posts to come on our progress as home owners thus far, and the event that helped C and I make our decision.