Movin' on up - er...out!

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Dear Eddie | Nine Months

Sweet Eddie Boy -
Nine months in - nine months out. That's what keeps running through my mind as we cross the nine month old mark. From this perspective, it sure makes pregnancy seem like a long run! On the flip side, I can't believe you've already been on this earth for that length of time. It's caused me to be extra-reflective on your development and growth, on the changes you've brought to this household. You showed up at what seems to be just the right time. The right moment when we needed new life, a dose of simplicity - the joy, wonder and laughter that comes with a sweet baby. You brought with you a new layer of happiness for our family - a reminder for us as we struggled with the loss of people we loved, how precious and sweet life is when it's new.

Boating on Pewaukee Lake.

And now, here you are - such a big boy. So sweet and strong. You did lots of big things this month - you began pulling yourself up on things, sometimes using your mouth for leverage when your hands are too busy holding a good toy. You tried new foods: tofu, apples, grapes, broccoli, kiwi, carrots, eggs, yogurt, salmon, asparagus, curry chicken! You went boating on Pewaukee Lake and loved it. We worked on "sleep training" - never, ever did I anticipate at what great lengths and depths I would worry/think/obsess/discuss/dissect baby sleep. You started doing little hand waves, but never at the right time for a "hello" or "bye bye". You "sing" with music when it's on the car, and you drum (bang) on everything in sight - toilet seats, cabinets, your high-chair tray. You earned two new top teeth, and are working on a new one on the bottom. You learned how to cluck. You started doing this funny "talk" where you don't make any sounds but move your mouth around - it looks like you have something to say but forgot to put your dentures in. And...you CRAWLED! Yep - the real deal. You did it at church, while your daddy was hanging out with you during the sermon in the lobby. So he was the lucky duck who got to see it first. And now, you are a whiz - and you have developed your very own style. It's a bear crawl (how fitting!) You don't put your knees down, but instead, crawl on your hands and feet, butt high in the sky. It's a riot and everybody who sees you gets a pretty big kick out of it.

Your signature crawl.

I remember one evening when you were tiny and your daddy and I were sitting at the table eating a late dinner - we had you lying on the ottoman with your Ikea dangly toy overhead. This was during the fleeting days when you couldn't roll around. All of a sudden we heard the sound of the hanging parts smacking together - you had reached up and batted it with your hand. We looked at each other dumbfounded - it blew our minds that you saw something you wanted to touch and did it...and now look at you. You are all over the place, toys in hand, following me from room to room.

Your baptism!

Another really important event occurred this month - we had you baptized at our church. It was a really meaningful day, and we invited all of our family and friends to help us celebrate. We read a lot about baptizing infants versus adult baptism, and felt strongly that we wanted to do this for you, to signify that you are a part of God's covenant family, just as you're a part of our family. Your daddy and I pray every day that you grow up to have a soft heart for God - that you are gentle and honest and peaceful - that you will one day know and love Jesus. Until then, we will do our best to raise you up in a way that you can understand the importance of these things, to teach you how to be faithful, and one day you can decide for yourself, armed with knowledge and teaching and experience.

Anyway, I should wrap it up. I realize that all of these letters to you sound so dreamy. It's not to say that every moment is easy. There's the pure torture of diaper changes alone - you cry and squirm and twist and turn and drive me nuts. You scream the instant I put you in your car seat. Bedtime can sometimes drive me to tears. Or big glasses of wine. My brain is now segmented into two parts - naptime and the rest of the time. Your daddy sometimes gets home from a long day at work and you are a crab until the moment you fall asleep. I would love to have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Or 6. I'd settle for 4 some nights. The balance of working when you sleep and scrambling to keep my job, our home and my relationships somewhat functional is a challenge. But all in all, we've got it so good. You're healthy. You're happy. You're growing. You light up when you see us. We adore you. What could I possibly complain about? So I try not to. Because I want to communicate joy in regard to you. I want you to only sense my love, never my impatience or frustration. We are figuring it out on the fly, and keeping our fingers crossed that it all works out. Hopefully, you absorb the affection and happiness and laughter, and continue to grow up in a household of peace and lightness. God has so richly blessed us, and my praises go up to him in gratitude.

Sweet Bear - I love you more than words could say. Happy 9 months!
Love,
Mama

Dear Eddie | Eight Months

Oh boy, little man - you are on the move! It's like all the parts in your brain just started rapid firing and the new things you can do are exploding from your mind and body. It's quite incredible to observe, really. It seems like you've changed little bits from month to month but the changes were gradual and the lines between months blurred as a result, but this time - BAM! One day I went in your crib to get you from a nap, and there you were, sitting up and waiting for me. It was so natural I didn't realize until I was recounting the day to your daddy later on, that we had never actually seen you go from laying down to sitting up all on your own! The only downfall - now that you can sit up on your own, you like to get yourself into this position all. the. time. Like in the middle of the night. And once you are up, you also wake up more, and are subsequently much harder to get back to sleep. We're trying to just roll with it, knowing that you are just getting all the practice you need. It really helps that you are cute. :)

 
You've also been spending lots of time in a crawling position - on your hands and knees, and rocking back and forth. Like if you could only get your arms and legs to do what your brain was telling them, you'd be zipping around in a flash. For now, if you go anywhere, it's backwards, which is very endearing. You do sort of drag yourself forward like a soldier with your arms, but you don't make it very far. And just on the 18th, your official 8 month mark, you began pulling yourself up to a standing position in your crib. Time to lower that mattress! I am just astounded with all the new things you are doing - your body has become so strong, and your will to get places is even stronger. Your daddy keeps trying to show you all about crawling - I'm just fine if you want to hold off a little longer on that - more work for me once you are mobile!

Aside from learning lots of new things, eight months has been fun in the food department. You're able to try lots of new things now, so we've introduced butternut squash, apricots, and…I'm less proud to admit - french fries and pizza! Just little pieces - mostly to keep you content while we were eating, but it's fun to be able to give you little bits of real food now and see you work on it. You discovered your tongue, which sounds kind of weird but is the cutest thing ever - you stick it out all the time and make funny faces and run it over your lips - it's this little pointy thing, it kills me when I see you playing around with it. Add to that your third tooth (on the bottom - kinda crooked!) and there's all kinds of stuff going on with that mouth these days.

You've also had an adventurous month - we've taken you all sorts of places. You saw gospel choirs perform at Eastbrook Church, saw the Watoto African Children's Choir perform at Brookfield Christian (that was cool!), you went with me to vote in a recall election for the governor of Wisconsin (my little activist!), AND - we went on our first family vacation! We took you up to Door County for a little over a week - we always take a vacation to celebrate our anniversary (it was SIX years this time, which is hard to believe). I love your daddy so much and look forward to these trips all year - and it was such a blast to have you along for the ride. Definitely different, vacationing with a baby, but still loads of fun.

We spent the first four nights in Ephraim, which we've never done because it's usually straight up to Washington Island, and tried to squeeze in all of the things we say we want to do as we drive by on our way to the ferry. I think we tackled most of them - beaches, eating at the little cafes and restaurants, Penninsula State Park, antiquing, and my favorite memory of all - a drive-in movie! Your dad and I wanted to attempt this on the day of our anniversary, so we very strategically put you to bed that evening in your car seat, and whisked you off unknowingly for the 9pm movie. Of course, you woke up 20 minutes in, but proceeded to stay awake and watch the movie with us, from your daddy's lap, in the front seat! We could not believe it, and the memory still makes me chuckle. So your first movie experience was at the drive-in, just over seven months old, and you saw Men In Black 3. Not the most cultural film ever, but it kept you entertained! The little cabin we rented turned out to be a less of cozy, quaint log home and more of a dark, dank, one-room shoebox - which was a little challenging with a baby who goes to sleep at 7 pm, but we made it work by putting your pack 'n play in the kitchen, hanging an ugly afghan over the door, and doing our best to not have to go to the bathroom, get anything to drink, or make too much racket the rest of the night. Needless to say, we were glad to head to the island for the second half of the trip. We spent the rest of the week playing in the sand, hanging on the sunny deck, riding bikes and taking walks on the beach. It was perfection. I couldn't help but picture what it would be like if we are blessed with more children - to spend the days watching you play with your little brother(s) or sister(s)…how sweet it will be!

So, Toots, I'll wrap this up. I love you so very much I can practically feel my heart getting squeezed in my chest. I love watching you learn and showing you new things, taking you new places, running all over with you and your daddy. He especially enjoyed this month, since it was the first time except right after you were born he got to spend a whole, uninterrupted week with you. It was hard for all of us to get back to the "real world". I can only imagine what the next month will bring!

Love,
Mama

Dear Eddie | Seven Months

 Dear Eddie Bear -

Your eyes have changed colors. They were a beautiful gray blue - I was proud to say they were like mine. They still have the same awareness - you are a very watchful boy. But they've changed to look more like your daddy's - a lovely hazel, that sometimes looks more green, sometimes more golden, depending on the light and the day. It's only a small thing, something that happens to most babies - but one of many changes you've faced this past month.

What a gummy grin. Melts me!

Every month I say how it's my favorite age yet - the same is true for your seventh. You are so fun - it's such a delight watching your personality slowly emerge. You are like your daddy - thoughtful, curious, cuddly, and at times - exaggerated, loud and funny. You are quick with a smile - although it's a little more work to get a laugh (at least for me). One day I was feeling so left out - you squeal and squawk and giggle for others, but not me - I googled "how to make my baby laugh" and "my baby laughs at everyone but me". Pathetic, I know. I didn't find anything helpful - but that same day I took you to the grocery store and was pushing you through the store in the cart. You were in your carseat and I was tickling your belly with my face - and you laughed and laughed - just for me. I cried right there in the store - such a sappy mama. But I needed that sweet laugh! I go through dips where I feel you enjoy the company of everyone but me - I am there for food, for cleanup, for putting you to bed. It's a small thing, a giggle - but it lifts me right out of the pity party. Then I remember how much I enjoy all the things you need me for - food, cleanup, putting you to bed - and I stop feeling sorry for myself and realize that those things are the beauty and simplicity of motherhood.

Had to include this one - such a chunker! Patiently waiting for Mama to give you the next bite.

We've made the leap to lots more solids in your diet - green beans, peaches, and lots more bananas, pears, mangos, and peas. I think as a result you are also sleeping longer at night, and just last week you slept 10 hours straight. The first time in your life you literally slept through the night. I woke up at 5am and waited, astounded, for you to awake. You had a rough night after that (up every 2 hours!) but two days later you were the proud owner of a third tooth (three on the bottom now!). You repeated the 10 hour slumber one other time but since then it's been stretches of 6 or 7 hours. I'll take it though! Your naps are improving as well. You still struggle a little at your Nana Gigi's, but with me you usually take a short morning nap and a good afternoon nap. You still need a quick power-nap in the early evening to make it to bedtime, but it seems like things are in flux right now. You've been going to bed later, sleeping later, and therefore your naps are all later in the day - so we'll see.

You are finally okay with taking baths, but still love showers with Daddy.

You've learned some funny new tricks this month. One is what your daddy and I affectionately call "Kung Fu Talk" - like when the voices are dubbed in English over Japanese or Chinese - the words end and the mouth keeps moving. It's so cute - you also make lots of high pitched noises - you are really experimenting with your voice. You whisper, squeak and yell. You love your baths (although still generally shower with Daddy) - you crack me up by trying to lean forward and bite the water. Your pudgy little arms and legs kick and splash. Mobility is your new game - you've learned to scoot around on your belly in a circle, and you are great at pushing up on your arms - except you move backwards instead of forwards. While endearing, we've got to work on getting you up on those knees. You want to crawl - but we're not quite there yet. That's ok - take your time on that one, buddy.

One other thing to note - you were recruited by a talent agent at church this month! Of course, we know you are beautiful - but it's always welcome if somebody else wants to confirm it! A woman approached us and said she couldn't believe how good looking and well-behaved you were, and asked if we'd be interested in having you do any modeling for places like Kohl's or Land's End. Your daddy and I think we'll give it a shot - and if you get booked (and don't hate it), we'll put the money into an account just for you. Pretty neat!

You're a big fan of your swing - an Easter gift from your Grandma and Grandpa Kathe!

I will end with a little scene that will always be a sweet memory for me. We stayed late at your buddy Jackson's 2nd birthday party, and knew if we went home and tried to put you down to sleep the usual way you'd put up a good fight. So we drove around and around, your daddy and I singing James Taylor and Taylor Swift and any other songs we could think of until you finally fell asleep in the car. We kept looking at each other, smiling in the dark car - singing together - and I know our minds were both in the same place, thinking how this is a brief and precious time in our lives. I can't believe you are already seven months old, Tootie - what will the next month bring?

Love,
Mama

Dear Eddie | Six Months

Sweet Eddie Boy -

As I am writing this you are quickly approaching seven months old (it is May 6th). Life is just moving so fast these days - it has been hard to find the time to sit down and get these thoughts out of my head and onto the page. You, your daddy and I are in the car right now, driving down to your Grandma and Grandpa's in Illinois for your Great Great Aunt Rosemary's 89th birthday party! You have never met her before, and you are going to meet some of my aunts and uncles for the first time today as well. They are not going to believe how big and strong and fun you are!

 The sweet little face that greets me after a good nap.

 You are such a big boy! You play with toys now!

Bundled up for one of our evening walks.

I will keep this letter a little shorter this month since your next one is coming so soon and I am having a hard time separating the past two months, but I have to pay some tribute to the fact that you are now half of a year old! I say it every time (probably every day) - but this time is going too fast. Everywhere we go, mothers with older children, grandfathers, strangers - tell me to enjoy every moment with you because it goes so fast. And they mean it - you can tell by the tone in their voice - they feel the passing of time differently than others without children. I really get it now, on a level I simply couldn't understand before you came. For some reason, your child getting bigger fractures the heart a bit. Maybe it's growing pains, and the resulting cracks make our capacity to love you get bigger as you do. Our love for you is so large, so wrapped up and tangled around every part of who we are as people, as parents, what we do with our time, how we think now. It's wonderful and immense and heart-wrenching and so, so sweet.

Mmmmm....you're a big fan of pretty much any food.

I just want to record a few of the developmental things that stand out this month. A major one is that you have been practicing lots of sitting up - and I almost trust your skills enough to leave you sitting unassisted, although not quite - sometimes you get excited and topple forwards or back, so we still need blankets and pillows around you just in case. You've also been saying lots of "dadadadada's", and a few "mamamama's" (although what the heck - the mamama's happen only when you are frustrated?!) I've been enjoying making, and you've been enjoying eating, lots of new foods: sweet potatoes, pears, bananas, mangoes, barley cereal - all of which you love. You've become this soft, doughy little person in the cutest way imaginable. Your wrists look like they have rubber bands wrapped around them, and I believe there are three rolls on each thigh. You are kissable and squeezable and we are eating up this gushy time. You got your "first kiss" this month from little Miss Ava Nowak - it was very precious, and made her mama and I tear up a little. We are all crossing our fingers that you two fall madly in love some day - but no pressure.  ;)

Getting my daily dose of baby snuggles.

Another big thing this month has been your nighttime routine. You've been pretty high maintenance - maybe your daddy and I have encouraged this - at times it's a little trying but we've come to the conclusion that while we have the time, energy, and patience - we will make the extra effort and send you off to sleep happily and peacefully. Your subsequent siblings may not be so lucky....You prefer to be shushed and bounced - sometimes for what seems like forever - and no more rocking! You still love singing and there is one magical song..."Mary's Song" by Taylor Swift. I bet you'll be embarrassed someday to hear that - but we start singing the first few words and you are instantly attentive and quiet. I put it on in the car, bust it out in the middle of the night during diaper changes - you name it. The effectiveness has only just now started to wear off after a good solid month of usage - I'm going to have to find a new song soon, but for now - you love it. Your papa has even learned how to play it on the guitar, and he plays you that - and lots of other songs, many nights before bedtime. Those are some of our most treasured moments of the day. (Although sometimes it also drags out bedtime - because you want to be able to watch and listen to your daddy play.)

Well sweet boy - I'll sign off for now. Let me just finish by saying that six months old is a dream. It's so much fun - all smiles and cuddles and giggles and very, very rewarding. I'm afraid we might give you a complex by how many times we look at each other and say "he is the coolest guy". But - you are the coolest - thanks for all of the joy you bring to our little home.

Love,
Mama

Dear Eddie | Five Months

My Sweet Boy -
You are five months old! Actually, as I'm writing this (late as usual) - you are five and a half months old. Your picture will be the same - sorry about that. I don't even know where to begin - it seems you are growing and changing in leaps and bounds. Whenever anyone meets you - they comment on how alert you are for five months, how strong you are, and how vocal. The development of a baby in these first months of life is truly miraculous to observe - no wonder you little people sleep so much!

In the past weeks, you seem so much more like a baby boy than an infant, if that makes sense. You've mastered rolling over from your back to your tummy, and we now find you sleeping soundly on your belly in the night. (And in case you were wondering, this has really helped reduce your crazy gas!) You enjoy spending time this way during the day too, and wiggle and kick and squirm for your toys and reach out for the dogs, who are your new favorite form of entertainment. You also spit up less these days, though you still catch us unprepared from time to time, usually right over my shoulder into my hair or on your daddy's arm just before he leaves for work in the morning. Impeccable timing. :) You can't quite sit on your own yet, but you do sort of "tripod", although I still keep a close eye on you because you are a bit top-heavy.

You've turned into quite the little observer - you love to watch things and see how they work. Wind chimes, bubbles, mirrors, opening and closing doors and cabinets. Your daddy and I try to include you in all sorts of things to help you learn. You want to hold and grab things, and put everything in your mouth. You love looking at the television, computer screens - our phones. Your big bright eyes take it all in, and I can practically see those wheels turning in your growing mind.

Quick recap on food and sleep: We dropped the rice cereal (even though you loved it) and this month you were back to milk only. It made you wake up in the night screaming because your gas hurt so bad. I couldn't stand it - not worth it! I bought some barley cereal which I heard is a little better but have yet to try it. I'm thinking of skipping the grains and going straight to making you some fruits and veggies. So far you are still growing and gaining weight so it's not really a concern. As far as sleep goes - you can't seem to get past these 45 minute stretches of nap, unless you're riding in the car or possibly in your swing. You wake up bright eyed and bushy-tailed, talking to yourself and your animals in the crib - but get tired again really soon after. I'd love for you to sleep for a good hour and a half to two hours in the am and pm, but I guess I don't always get my way. I already devote way too much time and energy obsessing about your sleep - your daddy is trying to get me to give up some control and let you sleep when you want. Sigh. At night, not much has changed since last month. You usually go to bed by around 7pm, get up once around 1 or 2 to eat and go right back to sleep. Then you might wake up once more in the wee hours, and sometimes we can shush you back to sleep but others I just feed you again, and you're up for the day around 6 or 7. I keep hearing about these mysterious babies who sleep through the night at 8 weeks old - I guess you just miss me so much you want to hang out every few hours! :)

This past month we had unseasonably warm weather, and it made me realize how cooped up we've been in the house (and how much fun we have ahead of us this spring and summer!) We've been taking walks every night when your daddy gets home, with Ralph and Milo. Your daddy puts you in the baby bjorn and you kick and yap and are just generally a happy camper. You and I have gone for lots of early morning runs in the jogging stroller, spent time outside in the yard on a blanket, and you finally get to hang out with no pants on! I love that those chunky little legs can finally come out and play. Your daddy turned 30 on the 19th, and we went and got a Burley to attach to our bikes, and you went for your first bike ride (to the park, where you went in your first swing!) Lots of firsts these days!

Your papa and I find ourselves continually saying how fast this is all going. If only we could slow down time - stretch it out and keep you small for a bit longer. At the same time, it's such a joy to watch you grow and change. I can only imagine how fun it will be as you start talking, walking, asking questions, showing us who you are in new ways.

Lastly - I just have to say a few words about how truly beautiful you are. Everyone says it. You definitely look like a boy, they say - but a beautiful boy. You've got the softest, smoothest skin and the roundest little cheeks that are usually just a touch rosy. Your eyes are bright and aware, framed by these incredibly long and dark lashes (lucky!) Your hair is soft and lighter than when you were first born - you're like a downy, baby duck. Your smile is huge and so rewarding - it lights up your whole face and is worth every crazy effort we make to earn one. Your little body is so precious - from your shoulders to your pudgy wrists to your sweet belly and chunky legs, to the feet you've learned to grab and the toes you pop in your mouth. I love every inch of you and kiss you all up on a very regular basis. Thank you for being so sweet, such a joy - such an indescribable addition into our world. I love you Eddie Bear - happy five months old!

Love,
Mama

Dear Eddie | Four Months

Dear Eddie,

Four months. Wait - four months?!! How did this happen - a third of a year! Oh my. As I'm typing this post, you are across from me, on a sheepskin draped over our big blue ottoman, playing with your wooden ikea toy. You are sucking your thumb with one hand (your left), and grabbing and pulling on the dangling pieces of the toy with your other. Every once in a while you let out a squeal or squawk, or gag yourself a little with your thumb (Silly. Don't do that!) Your hair that started falling out has begun to grow back. Your hands are becoming more dexterous and starting to listen to you when you tell them what to do. Your chunky, roly-poly legs reveal your excitement in their jerky kicks. You express excitement, distaste, frustration and pure glee in your parakeet-like noises. Your eyebrows raise when you are paying attention to things, and you grunt and squeal when you like something. You are an absolute joy, and your daddy and I find watching you and playing with you to be endlessly entertaining. (We often feel bad for our subsequent children - how will we ever pay this much attention to them, or revel in the newness of all they do? Is it even possible?)

I've taken to jotting down notes on the calendar about your behaviors, so I can better recall the whats and whens. Throughout this fourth month, I have things like: crappy sleep, making b sounds, some real laughs started, still liking swaddling and warmed up bed at night, and getting close to rolling over - uh oh! You've gained so much awareness this month - we adore experiencing the different facets of your personality as they are revealed. You greet us with enormous smiles when you wake up (assuming your nap is actually over - you have a hard time napping beyond 45 minutes without some evasive maneuvers on my part). You watch us as we come and go in a room. You express delight at the things you like, and discontent at the things you don't. But now, you can be talked out of it if we try hard enough! It's wonderful being able to reason at least a little bit with you.

You've been going to your Nana GiGi's for a whole month now, twice a week. You seem to truly love her, and I know she eats up her time with you! I am still hoping it doesn't become too difficult for her to watch you, but so far so good. You come back exhausted and take really good naps on the days following her days with you - so you must be getting lots of good play time together! I've walked into her house and she's had you sitting at the piano with her, batting at the keys, singing songs as she walks you throughout the rooms, and letting you gaze adoringly at what she now refers to as "Eddie's clock". It allows me to go spend some time in the working world - with people I love and admire. I feel rejuvenated after a day of work (although tired!) and more aware of how precious the next days I get to spend with you are.

A new technique - "sandwich sleeping" :)

As far as sleep goes, it's really erratic still. If I dwell on this, I get frustrated - it's better when I just don't try to anticipate how a night will go. In general, you go to sleep so easily (thank you!) around 7pm each night, and stay asleep for anywhere from 5-7 hours. After that it's still spotty, but I'm working now at shushing you back to sleep instead of picking you up or feeding you every time. And daytime sleep is also unpredictable. The days you are with your Nana you never sleep more than 45 minutes at a time. I can get you to nap for a few hours at least once a day by either keeping you in your swing or running errands (you snooze like a champ in your carseat still), with a couple catnaps to round out the day. I'm working now on keeping your room dark and warm during naps and giving you some time to protest and try to soothe yourself back to sleep. Today is day one and it worked - so we'll see if we can keep it up! Your papa and I are also on our second type of medication for your reflux, which I believe is helping you lots, and we've introduced a little rice cereal twice a day - which you gobble up. You're hilarious with a spoon, by the way. :) These both seem to keep you more comfortable while sleeping in longer segments.

In terms of milestones, I believe you are right on track - you grab and hold things, engage with us and smile lots, can sit up if assisted by pillows or blankets, and love to bounce in your jumper. Lots of people say you seem very alert and active for your age, and everybody agrees that you are super vocal. It's become a game to get you talking - your Grandma Kathy and Grandpa John are really good at this. You respond strongly to music - both vocal and instrumental. This makes me proud. I hope you become a musician like your daddy!

Well, this post has probably gone on long enough, and I have to get you ready for your four month checkup today. I thank God for you, and your health and happiness my sweet boy - I love being your mama. I love all the ways it has changed me - how I am and the ways I spend my days - the thoughts that occupy my mind, and the work of my hands. Tooter - you are such a gift to your daddy and I, and we look forward to living in this next month with you!

Love,
Mama