Dear Eddie | Two Months

Eddie, two months.

To My Sweet Boy -
Technically, you are two and a half months now. (I blame the craziness of our first Thanksgiving and Christmas together for the delay in your monthly letter!) You are snoring away next to me (really sawing wood!) in your bouncy seat - it slays me when you snore - it's so loud and adorable!

It's been a whirlwind of a month. We had Thanksgiving, my 30th birthday, Christmas – and New Year's is coming up. You had your first sleepover (at my mom and dad's in Illinois), your first couple of road-trips (also Illinois, and Door County!), your first trip up to Washington Island, and your first set of holidays! You took your first bottle, upgraded from your bassinet to the bigger part of your pack'n play, and had your first sickness (a really fun stomach bug that we're still trying to kick). I can hardly believe how you've grown in these last weeks. At your two month checkup you were 90th percentile for height, and 50th for weight, so you are long and lean, just like your dad. You have the sweetest disposition - I don't know how we got so lucky! You are one laid back little fella, and everybody adores you, most of all your papa and I.

Picking out your first Christmas tree!

Your papa giving you your first bottle.

(Note: Had to set this down and come back to it.) Now it's NY Eve, and your papa and I are snuggling you on the sofa. It's 9:12 - you are still up, you party animal, but you are just about to fall asleep. We have a little "bedtime routine" we've been trying to make a habit the last few weeks. If it's a day for you to need a bath, your dad takes you in the shower with him - which you seem to really enjoy. It makes you very calm and sleepy. I heat up the corn sack and place it on your changing table, over the towel and also your pjs. When he's all finished with you, I bring the warm towel in the bathroom and bundle you up. I stay in there where it's steamy and put lotion on your silky skin. It's more for the smell than the moisturizer, at this point in your life! It's scented to be calming and help you sleep. Then we go put on your warm jammies, and you dad meets me in your room, where we read you a story or two, sing you a couple songs, and say our prayers with you. Usually by then you are pretty much out, and into bed you go! Your sleep has improved in the last month, although it's not consistent yet. Around 7 weeks, you started increasing into 4 and 5 hour stints in the night, which felt like a million bucks to me! I remember the first night you slept four hours straight - I felt like a new woman when you woke up at around midnight to eat. Ha! Now I'm greedy and expect more from you :) The night before your two-month checkup, you slept for SEVEN hours straight - from 8 til 3am! Holy smokes - I woke your dad up at point just to tell him that you were still sleeping. I couldn't go back to sleep because I kept waiting to see how much longer you'd go - a little counter-intuitive, I know. You've done a few other nights similar to that, but we've been traveling a lot this month and very busy, so it seems like it's been a little difficult to keep you in any type of pattern. Usually you go down around 8ish, sleep til anywhere from 12:30-2:30, then wake up again around 5, and then I pull you in the bed and we all go back to sleep, snuggling until your dad gets up to leave, and then whenever you wake up (usually anywhere from 6:30-9:30, depending on the night). I know this is a lot of boring detail for you - I'm mostly recording it for my own memory! I think whenever you have a little baby brother or sister, I will enjoy referencing your sleep patterns to remind me how things change and develop.

You and Milo, sporking like champs.

Speaking of sleeping, your first road trip down to your grandma and grandpa's in Illinois, you slept the whole way (thanks!) You were loved up while we were there - your Uncle Timmy and Uncle Jeff are so sweet to you, and my mom and dad love you to pieces. They are natural grandparents! It was Thanksgiving weekend. We spent the actual day of with your Nana GiGi and Dwayne, then headed out of town. A whole bunch of Illinois family and friends stopped by throughout the weekend to meet you. My Aunt Shari gave us a scare - she called a few days later to say she was afraid she might have whooping cough, and could've exposed you. Since you weren't vaccinated yet, your dad and I were so scared. I took your temperature 3 times a day for 10 days just to be sure you were okay. Everything obviously turned out fine, but it made us realize how we had already started to take your good health for granted.

We also took a long road trip up to Washington Island to celebrate my 30th birthday - it was so special. All of your uncles and your auntie were there, and your Grandma Kathy and Grandpa John. We loaded the three of us, Ralph, Milo, Mikey and Lauren into our little x3 - and spent two nights at the cabin. It's for sale now which makes us very sad, but it was neat to be there all together, celebrating with you. It brought back lots of memories for your dad and I about the October we spent a week there, and decided we were ready to start trying for a baby. We had fun with everybody this time as well, eating and laughing and playing cards, shooting clay pigeons and drinking lots of coffee. You pooped ALL over your grandpa - your first explosive poop! He went straight into the shower. Ha!

Celebrating with a birthday coffee and the family at the Red Cup on Washington Island.

Christmas with you was wonderful as well - we spent more time in Illinois, as well as here in town with your Nana GiGi and Dwayne. You were spoiled with lots of holding, snuggles, kisses, toys, and a giant stuffed giraffe from your dad's Aunt Debbie and Uncle Todd, who are enamored with you. I will never forget waking up at my mom and dad's for your middle of the night feeding, and bringing you downstairs to nurse you by the Christmas tree. I still just love to gaze at you while you are eating, touch your face and neck and hands, and listen to your sweet sounds. I told you all about what Christmas means, how we celebrate Jesus' birth, and just tried to memorize the moment.

Merry Christmas, sweet boy!

And now, we are about to ring in the new year - 2012. Your dad and I are so grateful for all of the amazing blessings the past year has brought - one filled with such joy and happiness, some trials and lots of laughter. You are the best possible gift to us, sweet Eddie. We love you more than words could ever say - as your papa put it tonight, you make our home come alive. You are turning more and more into a little person - your expressions, your "talking" and sounds, your gestures. We love watching you grow and develop. I am looking forward to all of the new adventures we have in front of us as a new little family this next year!

Love,
Mama

The Little Things...

I've been working in little spurts to prepare our home for the holidays - something about having a child this year has sparked a feverish excitement for all things Christmas. Of course, being on maternity leave leaves me with just a little extra time on my hands to step things up a notch. I'm not a big seasonal decorator, but this year it was fun. I've got the tree done, pine cones hanging from the windows, sheepskins thrown about, stockings hung by the (balcony) with care, you get the point. I know Eddie isn't going to remember any of this, but it is still important to me. My parent's house is always decorated to the nines for Christmas, and it adds a whole extra element of joy and warmth to the season. My mom really goes all out, and her joy is infectious - I hope to pass that on to my children.

Another thing I've been thinking a lot about is that Jesus came to Earth as a baby. I mean, of course I've always known that but spending all this time with a little one really drives home the meaning of that. GOD became one of the most vulnerable of creatures, to demonstrate for us how to live, from the very start. I look at my tiny little son, and can't imagine a baby being born, to die. And also, the humility of coming down as creator of the world, to become a human baby. A burping, gassy, needy (snuggly, sweet, cooing) little baby. That blows my mind in a whole new way now.


Speaking of burpy, gassy, needy little baby boys, I wanted to take a minute and just record, if for no other reason than for myself, some of the little things I most love about my sweet Eddie at this age. First thing's first - he's started smiling! It happens usually in a window of time after he's eaten - when he's most content and happy, but if you work you can earn one at other times. But it's the sweetest little gummy grin - it lights up his whole face, and he sticks his little tongue out while he's smiling and makes these gurgling, hiccupy noises. My heart melts a little every time. During our days together, I truly live from smile to smile. Also, the noises he makes in general. When he's peacefully sleeping, every exhale carries a little sound out with it. When he's deeply sleeping, he often snores - quite loudly. Right as he's falling asleep, usually when in my arms, he does a little smile and giggle, which then changes to a little frown and half cry. I can't help but wonder what's in his mind right then? I always know after that he's going to probably stay asleep.


I've also been really trying to soak up all of the middle of the night moments we share. I know, despite how tired I am and how I'm constantly adding up the minutes to see how much longer he sleeps from day to day, that I'm going to miss these times. It's precious and it's ours. I know of course he can take a bottle if necessary, but it makes me feel that he just truly needs me, and I'm the only one who can really take care of him, know what he wants, know his signals, and give him what he most requires. (Not to take any credit away from Chris, who of course could do any of these things magnificently) - it's just that I am the one who does it, and it feels good to take care of my sweet boy in this way. Of course, when it exceeds an hour or so of awake time at 3am, I'm more than happy to wake up his papa for a little help. But I love how warm and soft he is in the night, how he's quicker to fold up into that newborn-like cuddle, to bury his head into my neck or chest. How his little hands move when he's eating - they sort of stroke my chest or neck, or grab onto the edge of my shirt, or slip under the strap of my tank top. I just hold his head in my hand, stroke his hair, kiss his neck and face. I love him so much more even, every day. Even as I read these words back to myself, I realize they don't capture it - they lack the warmth, the emotion, the deep, heartbreaking love that accompanies holding, feeding, rocking, my child.

And one other thing - I love seeing Chris with Eddie. How he is so calming to him - how he just wants to hold and snuggle him, and talk to him and teach and show him things. What more could I possibly want as a wife and mother? To see how he loves our son makes me love him even more, which is the best of feelings. It feels so complete to be together, the three of us, and all day I feel like a part of me is gone when Chris is at work, like we are just waiting for him to come back home and put the last piece back in the puzzle.


So, these are observations - snippets of the little things. I know many of them are going to fade but I so wish I could memorize it all. I think that's part of the reason people have more babies! There is really nothing else like it, nothing else.

Much has changed.

Just a brief preface to what I'm going to write - I haven't blogged since I don't know when. Chris and I have still been doing small house projects, but our biggest project to date is that we had a baby! So clearly, it's been awhile. So I still want to blog about our house, but part of that story is our home - our family. Plus - I need somewhere to put all of these adorable baby pictures I've been taking!I want to take a little time each month to write a note to our son - as much for me as for him. I'd like it to be a place where I can record all the new things we've been doing and learning, and what our life has become. So I think this blog might evolve into more of a record of our family than just our house. But I'll leave the title, for now. Here goes:

To my sweet Eddie on your one month birthday -
(Your dad thinks you were one month old two days ago, when it was exactly four weeks since your birth, but I've convinced him to go by the date or it will just get to be insanity). How can it be that you've been here a month? I am sitting in the Bertoia chair in our bedroom, typing this entry while you are sleepily snoozing next to me in your bouncy chair. You will probably wake up in a few short minutes, because you have a knack for waking up right when I get settled into something, but that's ok. It's a happy interruption. I can't begin to tell you how much I love you, how much I loved you immediately. I marvel at you. I wasn't sure if I was going to feel that immediate love that everyone tells you to expect upon the birth of a child, but I did. It was different than I thought - like meeting a stranger that you somehow feel like you've known for a long time. I didn't understand you or know you by any means, but I did love you. A lot of the details of your birth, while clear in my memory, have faded except for the moment that you were fully born and all I wanted was for your papa and I to see you, and hold you. And when I did I was in complete amazement that you were the creature living inside me for the past 9 months. How could that be, and what a miracle! A human life began inside me, and suddenly there you were - a whole new person in the world. God is an amazing and mind-blowingly creative designer. I held you with I'm sure a stunned look on my face, and just stared from you to your father in awe. The nurses encouraged me to try to feed you right away, so I did - and you nursed! Another thing I wasn't sure about beforehand, but right away I knew what a precious gift it is to be able to feed one's child.
I'll skip the rest of the birth story for it's own telling, but those first days in the hospital with you, your papa and I were overwhelmed - full of love and intensity and amazement and nearly every other emotion I can name. We cried, we laughed, we stared, we listened, we snuggled, we learned. Now I know that I will continue to be learning about you every moment you are with us for as long as God has in store. The first night you stayed in our room the whole time - I was trying my best to teach both you and I how to nurse, and your dad and I couldn't bear the thought of you sleeping all the way in the nursery without us your first night in the world. You were so sleepy those first days and nights, and certainly didn't cry much. The second night the nurses wanted to take you to the nursery for your hearing test, so we said you could stay there until you woke up to nurse, and then we wanted you back with us the rest of the night. After you came back in and got settled with us, you fell back to sleep. I tried to fall asleep as well, but before too long I had scooped your little burrito wrapped body up out of the cradle and held you in front of me, and I just cried. I don't normally cry tears of happiness - I tend to stick to laughter - your papa is the one who cries for joy. But that night, in the dark hospital room, holding your warm, sleeping body, there was no other response. I love your dad so much, and between he and I (and God) - we made you! And here you are now, and I just couldn't believe it. I promised to love you as best as I know how, and to pray for you always, and to do my best as your mother in protecting you and taking care of you and teaching you things. I will never forget that moment, it is forever etched in my mind - I have tears in my eyes now just thinking about how it felt.

(Sidenote: This departs from the emotional meanderings from above but you just completely startled yourself in your sleep with a huge fart. Man are you a gassy one!)

And now, reflecting on the past month with you, I can't believe how different life is. Your papa and I have to keep remembering that we are not on our own agenda or schedule anymore - there is no routine with a newborn. Sometimes we try to do things like we used to - just have an ordinary weeknight with dinner, some catching up, a little tv - but it just doesn't go as planned. It's challenging, but then there are these times - these snapshots of our new life that are just the sweetest. Like the few Saturday mornings we've had - coffee in bed, snuggling you, mounds of blankets and pillows and cuddling and staring at you. Or seeing you fall asleep on your papa's chest, cuddled in under his chin and snoring away. Or gazing down at you while you are nursing - that is my favorite of all. I'm trying to take in every moment of that - I trace the curves of your face, just trying to memorize you at this tiny age. I stroke your sweet little head, with all that hair. I rub your back and your sweet legs and feet, I pat your butt. I think about all of the different parts of you and systems within you that were formed inside of me and just marvel. I listen to the sweet sounds you make while you are eating, I smell your face. I love the little folds in your neck and I kiss them every chance I get. You will never, ever be hungry for affection in this house. I notice that your eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to become more visible, and I try to memorize the way your little nose turns up, and how your sweet little lips pout and purse. Oh my goodness could I go on forever. My friends with children say that they can't remember their babies ever being so little, so new - I don't want to feel that way ever. I want to take it all in and store it in my heart, knowing that I enjoyed every moment of you like this, when our family was new.
Eddie - you are a precious and joyful gift. I love you and your papa with my whole heart, and are so glad you are the son God gave us. You bring a new kind of happiness and fullness to our lives. You are challenging as well, but we are doing our best to figure you out! It's a whole new kind of learning, and it takes time and patience. Every day is different, and every day you change a little bit, but in general - you are a very content and sweet boy. You love to be held, you love when your papa sings to you (usually James Taylor), you love to sleep with or near to us. You don't mind our barking dogs. You don't cry much- only when you need something, but then - you certainly let us know. You are not a big fan of getting your diaper changed, baths, or your carseat - at least not yet. You are impressively gassy. You have impeccable timing for waking up just as we are about to sit down and eat a meal. You bring joy to everyone who has met you. Your grandparents are madly in love with you and will do nearly anything for a chance to hold you, rock you to sleep, and care for you. Having you has also made me appreciate and value my parents and your papa's mama in a whole new way.

Well, it seems you are stirring - and this has gone on long enough for now. I am going to snatch you out of your little seat and smother you with kisses and cuddles in honor of your one month birthday. A big part of me wants you to not get a moment older, but another part of me can't wait for the days and years ahead - of getting to know you more and see what kind of little person you will become. (And to determine which of us you look like - I think your dad!)

I love you my sweet tooter - happy one month birthday.
Your Mama