The Little Things...

I've been working in little spurts to prepare our home for the holidays - something about having a child this year has sparked a feverish excitement for all things Christmas. Of course, being on maternity leave leaves me with just a little extra time on my hands to step things up a notch. I'm not a big seasonal decorator, but this year it was fun. I've got the tree done, pine cones hanging from the windows, sheepskins thrown about, stockings hung by the (balcony) with care, you get the point. I know Eddie isn't going to remember any of this, but it is still important to me. My parent's house is always decorated to the nines for Christmas, and it adds a whole extra element of joy and warmth to the season. My mom really goes all out, and her joy is infectious - I hope to pass that on to my children.

Another thing I've been thinking a lot about is that Jesus came to Earth as a baby. I mean, of course I've always known that but spending all this time with a little one really drives home the meaning of that. GOD became one of the most vulnerable of creatures, to demonstrate for us how to live, from the very start. I look at my tiny little son, and can't imagine a baby being born, to die. And also, the humility of coming down as creator of the world, to become a human baby. A burping, gassy, needy (snuggly, sweet, cooing) little baby. That blows my mind in a whole new way now.


Speaking of burpy, gassy, needy little baby boys, I wanted to take a minute and just record, if for no other reason than for myself, some of the little things I most love about my sweet Eddie at this age. First thing's first - he's started smiling! It happens usually in a window of time after he's eaten - when he's most content and happy, but if you work you can earn one at other times. But it's the sweetest little gummy grin - it lights up his whole face, and he sticks his little tongue out while he's smiling and makes these gurgling, hiccupy noises. My heart melts a little every time. During our days together, I truly live from smile to smile. Also, the noises he makes in general. When he's peacefully sleeping, every exhale carries a little sound out with it. When he's deeply sleeping, he often snores - quite loudly. Right as he's falling asleep, usually when in my arms, he does a little smile and giggle, which then changes to a little frown and half cry. I can't help but wonder what's in his mind right then? I always know after that he's going to probably stay asleep.


I've also been really trying to soak up all of the middle of the night moments we share. I know, despite how tired I am and how I'm constantly adding up the minutes to see how much longer he sleeps from day to day, that I'm going to miss these times. It's precious and it's ours. I know of course he can take a bottle if necessary, but it makes me feel that he just truly needs me, and I'm the only one who can really take care of him, know what he wants, know his signals, and give him what he most requires. (Not to take any credit away from Chris, who of course could do any of these things magnificently) - it's just that I am the one who does it, and it feels good to take care of my sweet boy in this way. Of course, when it exceeds an hour or so of awake time at 3am, I'm more than happy to wake up his papa for a little help. But I love how warm and soft he is in the night, how he's quicker to fold up into that newborn-like cuddle, to bury his head into my neck or chest. How his little hands move when he's eating - they sort of stroke my chest or neck, or grab onto the edge of my shirt, or slip under the strap of my tank top. I just hold his head in my hand, stroke his hair, kiss his neck and face. I love him so much more even, every day. Even as I read these words back to myself, I realize they don't capture it - they lack the warmth, the emotion, the deep, heartbreaking love that accompanies holding, feeding, rocking, my child.

And one other thing - I love seeing Chris with Eddie. How he is so calming to him - how he just wants to hold and snuggle him, and talk to him and teach and show him things. What more could I possibly want as a wife and mother? To see how he loves our son makes me love him even more, which is the best of feelings. It feels so complete to be together, the three of us, and all day I feel like a part of me is gone when Chris is at work, like we are just waiting for him to come back home and put the last piece back in the puzzle.


So, these are observations - snippets of the little things. I know many of them are going to fade but I so wish I could memorize it all. I think that's part of the reason people have more babies! There is really nothing else like it, nothing else.